The "I just can't do this anymore!" marriage. (PART 2)

   Just for the record, if you are looking to this article for an excuse to leave your spouse....you've completely missed the objective of this post. My goal is not to separate, but to reconcile! It is always about reconciliation save adultery, abuse or Spiritual differences that are irreconcilable(1 Cor. 7:15). But even in those circumstances reconciliation is possible and encouraged! A Christ-like perception on this matter seems to point to long-suffering, grace, mercy, forgiveness, patience with each other, commitment...You get the point, right?

   When I mentioned in part one of this blog, if their was "an OUT that honors God," I was referring to a marriage situation that was becoming unbearable living situations with a spouse. For example- I know of a few couples that are dealing with either intense verbal abuse, pornography, indulgent spending from one spouse or the other that is constantly thrusting them further and further in debt....and it is a constant battle for control. And there are other situations worthy of this I'm sure. However, all of these situations are either at or reaching their boiling points.You may even know of a few couples dealing with these same circumstances, if you aren't in one yourself.

   So....What can we do? When all attempts have failed and you

"just can't do this anymore!" 

    I'm sure I will be skating on thin ice with this logic....but here we go!

I say..... get out! 

That's right, just move out! 

   Now, this is so very sensitive. This really has a lot to do with the spiritual condition of the spouse leaving. If your intent on leaving is to start seeking a new relationship.... then you are WAY out of line and you have moved in the opposite direction of this post. However, if you moving out is to save or reconcile your relationship to your spouse...then you have interpreted this post correctly!  Like I was saying "it is ALWAYS about reconciliation. 
   
    You can function without your spouse! Their is bound to be some separation anxiety, but you can survive. You may not have to rent a place....but maybe you can move in with family or friends. Now...this is also a very sensitive issue! Who are you surrounding yourself to get you through this? Who is speaking encouragement and wisdom into your life? This is so very important and I cannot stress this enough! You MUST be around those who encourage you to be strong in the faith! You must NOT surround yourself with those who encourage you to "get out" of the relationship, or kick your spouse to the curb. This is very unhealthy and ungodly advice. 

   Here is a verse from 1 Corinthians 7 that deals with this issue, it reads-

"A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife."

    If you are opposed to this advice it is probably because you have never crossed paths with an unbearable issue in your marriage. But trust me, they are alive in many marriages today! Sadly, most of them will end in divorce! So what is better I ask you- separation with intent to reconcile or divorce? Like I said, this type of action has to be determined by the spiritual condition of the leaving spouse. I believe that this type of action can really be God honoring. This is not an action that is about punishing the spouse, getting even or starting a new life without your spouse. If you have seen this post in that light then you have once again missed it!

It is always about reconciling the marriage!

   The intent of this type of action is to speak a number of things: 

• First, it is to allows the both of you to examine yourselves. Examine your relationship with your spouse, with God.....Examine your intentions and expectations. Maybe your expectations of your spouse are extremely high and impossible to achieve? Maybe not. Maybe your intentions are selfish and based on material things? Maybe not! None-the-less...you are both moving in a direction that allows you to think.  

• Secondly , it allows you both to just breathe....Most of the couples in these situation feel like they are suffocating on each other. Anger, resentment and bitterness consume you, with no real escape. Space allows each of you to collect yourselves. I believe it can recharge your marital batteries if your objective is to reconcile.  

• Thirdly, this action will let your spouse know just how serious this issue really is. It let's your spouse know, without a doubt, that you mean business! Unfortunately a lot of spouses never really know the severity of an issue until it is too late. When reconciliation is what drives your decisions, then you are choosing to honor God to the best of your ability in your broken marriage. 

   I am not condoning leaving your spouse at the drop of a hat...or over trivial disputes or normal marital issues. That type of action is ridiculous and absurd! I know that some people will use this advice to condone an action of divorce....they always do! But I truly believe that those people had divorce in mind from the beginning of any action taken. I believe that their motive was never reconciliation.

   Also remember that we have made this commitment to our spouse in the presence of God....and to God! Their is actually scripture that encourages us to stay together if at all possible...even when it becomes difficult! Even when the husband/wife is not acting in line with God's word!

Yes, I said, even when the husband/wife is not acting in line with God's word!

1 Peter 3:1-6 deals with this point directly, speaking of how the unbelieving or spiritually weak husband may be "won over" by his wife's godly character and her submission to God and to her husband.

   Let  me conclude with this, a broken marriage can ALWAYS be mended! Don't give up! Fight for your family! Fight for your marriage! And when you don't have any more fight left.....give it to the Lord! Move out of the way and allow him to work in your heart and allow him to work in your spouse. God can work a miracle in your marriage if you both allow him to.

   Unfortunately, The ugly truth is that your spouse may not have reconciliation in mind.  You are not in control of your spouse! But know this, we are only responsible for our actions....how we choose to honor God  with our choices. But you can have peace in knowing that your actions have always been about reconciliation no matter the outcome.
    
     I pray this blog was encouraging to you! I hope that the one theme from this blog that is rolling over in your mind is not "how to leave my spouse," but that it is always about reconciliation of your marriage! God bless!