The "I just can't do this anymore!" marriage. (PART 1)

   What is left but to let go when you are dangling at the end of your marital rope and it seems like your spouse is at the other end trying to shake you off?

   The truth is, this very well may be, for you, the end or beginning of a grueling bout with what seems to be an impossible marriage union. How do we keep on going if their is nothing to work with when it comes to your spouse's participation to fix what is LONG been broken in your marriage? Is their light at the end of this tunnel... or does it simply have to go on like this til the day we die?

   Just to re-assure you, I am not about to shoot this advice to those reading based on a theory of "what works." I have been there! I am not just spitting text book knowledge or something I learned in a seminar. I know what works, what doesn't and ultimately how God plays part in this issue, based on experience. I am not shedding any details of my past, but just know that God is able to use our experiences to help others. I have just recently been re-married this year to a wonderful woman after five years of playing the single parent, and couldn't be happier....But enough about me:)

   How are we going to continue in our marriage when the counseling sessions aren't working and the mental anguish simply has to stop!  When every Pastor you have seen tells you to "put God first" but you know that this is the last thing on your spouses mind? When we get down to the "bottom line" the question at hand really is- 

Is their an out that honor's God?

   How can we know what is missing from our spouse or marriage without first knowing what is expected for a good godly marriage to be a success? Well, why don't we first take a moment to assess twelve attributes of a God honoring husband or wife. Here we go!


The Husband : 

• The husband is "the head of the wife, as Christ is the church." (Eph. 5:23) This means Spiritual leader, men. This does NOT mean ruling with an iron fist, barking orders and turning them into well behaved slaves. It means leading in all matters pertaining to the faith and a Godly lifestyle for your family. The husband is responsible for the spiritual condition of his family. (Eph. 5:26,27)

• Husbands that honor God should "not be bitter" (Col. 3:19) towards the wife, but treat her with gentleness and love as to the "weaker vessel." (1 Peter 3:7)

• Husbands should be understanding of the wife, honoring her in all matters. He should understand that they are equally co-heirs with Christ under his grace. (1 Peter 3:7)

• The husband must fulfill the sexual desires of his wife and reserve ALL of his sexual desire for his wife alone. (1 Cor. 7:3,5)

• A godly husband is to nourish, care for and cherish his wife "as Christ does the church." (Eph. 5:29)

Notice the italicized words? Let me jot them down so that we may simplify what the twelve attributes of a godly man look like. How are we doing, men?

1.  Spiritual leader
2.  leading
3. responsible
4. not be bitter
5. gentle
6. loving
7. understanding
8. honoring
9. equally co-heirs with Christ under his grace
10. fulfill the sexual desires of his wife
11. reserve ALL of his sexual desire for his wife alone
12. nourish, care for and cherish his wife

The Wife :  

• A wife with godly character that honors God should look to here husband for spiritual guidance (1 Cor. 14:35) and be submissive to his decisions in all matters for their family. (Eph. 5:24) (Note: A godly man respectfully takes into great consideration the discernment of his wife on matters of their household.)

• The godly wife should be respectful of her husband. (Eph. 5:33)

• The wife should be self-controlled, busy at home, loving to their husbands and children in order to protect the testimony of God's word and her family. (Titus 2:5)

• Godly character that honors God in a woman is one of a gentle and quiet spirit. (1 Peter 3:4)

• The wife must fulfill the sexual desires of her husband and reserve ALL of her sexual desire for her husband alone. (1 Cor. 7:3,5) 

• A godly wife should have good sense, good judgment with noble character. (Pr. 19:14, 31:10)

So, let me break this down into the list format.

1. look to here husband for spiritual guidance
2. be submissive to his decisions
3. respectful
4. self-controlled
5. busy at home
6. loving
7. protect the testimony of God's word and her family
8. gentle and quiet spirit
9. fulfill the sexual desires of her husband
10. reserve ALL of her sexual desire for her husband alone
11. good sense, good judgment  
12.  noble character

   Now, we should all be able to do all twelve of these attributes perfectly and have 100% successful marriages, right?......Of course not! None of us could fall completely in line with these lists of attributes. It's comparative to following the ten commandments perfectly, it's impossible! That's because we are all imperfect creatures in need of God's mercy and grace. The topic at hand is not the perfect marriage, but a marriage that seems it is at it's end either internally in the thought life or externally through arguments and actions. This blog is about the marriage or spouse that has expended all resources in attempt to mend his or her marriage without any inkling of participation from their spouse.

Are you there?

Is this where you are in your marriage?

If so, my heart goes out to you.

   I know about how this circumstance can completely consume a person. It's as if you were drowning and gasping for air...screaming out with each available breath, "Please God.....please! Help me!! Someone please, I am drowning.....and my family is tied to my waist!!! 


Part 2 coming soon.